The common hurdle a lot of foreigners in Japan are faced with is ‘compliments’.
Now I know this sounds lovely and Japanese people being renowned as polite and kind would make this point obvious but anyone who has been to Japan to live or study for an extended period of time will understand the drop in my stomach anytime someone praises my use of chopsticks or ability to greet.
“Wow! You can use chopsticks?” Someone asks me, 8 months into my second period of living in Japan.
This is not the first, nor the second, third or fourth, time I have received this admiration from a Japanese co-worker. Each time I reply gently with a “Yes, actually we use chopsticks in New Zealand too.” This never fails to shock and mystify my sweet Japanese colleagues and they relish in their new found knowledge… until a few weeks later when they see me eating rice and are once again astonished at my nifty fingers.
This is not the first, nor the second, third or fourth, time I have received this admiration from a Japanese co-worker. Each time I reply gently with a “Yes, actually we use chopsticks in New Zealand too.” This never fails to shock and mystify my sweet Japanese colleagues and they relish in their new found knowledge… until a few weeks later when they see me eating rice and are once again astonished at my nifty fingers.
Not your average fork and knife using hands
I am aware that not all foreigners are as lucky as me to have grown up in a country which is one of the most multicultural on the planet. As a New Zealander I was introduced to Asian culture early on and learnt to enjoy my sushi and chicken chow mein through the practical use of chopsticks. Maybe, someone from a less multicultural country or a New Zealander who might have preferred the use of a knife and fork, being complimented on their use of chopsticks every few weeks would be a welcome recognition of their growth. But as a practiced chopsticks semi-expert, it is a constant reminder of patience and the joker’s smile.
A common conversation in the office is as follows:
*writing up new schedule for meeting*
Co-worker: “Wow”
Me: “Wow?”
Co-worker: “You know Kanji (Chinese characters)?”
Me: “Yes, the computer comes up with them automatically anyway.”
Co-worker: “Wow”
Me: “I have had to learn a few over the 10 years I’ve been studying Japanese”
Co-worker: “Wow”
The co-worker remains in this stunned condition for about 5 seconds before reporting their findings to the rest of my co-workers for them all to join in the chorus of “Wow”.
Me: “Yes, the computer comes up with them automatically anyway.”
Co-worker: “Wow”
Me: “I have had to learn a few over the 10 years I’ve been studying Japanese”
Co-worker: “Wow”
The co-worker remains in this stunned condition for about 5 seconds before reporting their findings to the rest of my co-workers for them all to join in the chorus of “Wow”.
While I appreciate the kind reminder that my Japanese degree has paid off, when this ritual admiration repeats, on average, every two weeks it does get a bit tiring. There are worse conversations of course; the ‘konnichiwa’ expert. Any foreigner trying to have a go at communication in Japan will face this at some point.
Me: “Konnichiwa” (hello)
Other person: “Wow. Your Japanese is amazing!”
Me: “I said nothing.”
And repeat.
Encouraging for the everyday tourist but excruciating for the live in foreigner just trying to buy some shampoo at their regular supermarket.
I know this all sounds a bit ridiculously picky to anyone who has never lived in Japan before but I wrote this for all my fellow non-Japanese workers and students in the country who will no doubt understand the wonderfully blurry line between compliments and patronising.
Whether or not the repeating of the same compliments is a part of Japanese culture or just my co-workers poor memory I don’t know.
Just thought you might want to know.
Just thought you might want to know.
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