Things are tough.
It's so glamorous to think of myself jet setting off to the other side of the world on the search for adventure and a new path.
A lot of people told me before I left and now that I was such an incredible person for taking off and heading to Edinburgh on a whim and a feeling. They said they wish they could be as brave and do the same thing. My answer is always;
"It's not 'bravery', it's 'stupidity'".
And I really stand by that. If this doesn't work out it could be a very dumb decision. I'd be sitting here desperately searching for a way to keep myself afloat while the money runs out and my time is eaten up by stress and anxiety.
Money.
Time.
Time and Money.
That's the constant repeat in my head at the moment.
It's not that I'm unhappy or that I don't think this is the journey I need to be going on right now. You could mistake me for complaining or being negative. I just think it's really important sometimes to reflect on the reality of your situation.
My reality being I am jobless and in just 3 and a bit more weeks I will be homeless and penniless.
And I legitimately have no way out if it comes to that. Nor do I have any idea what I'll do at that point.
I'm just being stupidly hopeful that some magical force out there in the universe will help me make it all come together just in time.
But the atheist in me says it'll just be dumb luck.
There is still a scientific, statistically sound chance out there that in the next few hours I'll have a phone call from one of the many jobs I have applied to say "yeah, no worries mate, we will fund your idiocy".
I choose to hold on hope that that will happen.
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