Losing the Love of My Life

I’m at a point in my time here in Japan that I’m fed up of the culture differences, language barrier and general misunderstandings that I see everything in Japan as attributing or part of this negativity.

This is simply not true. I try to tell myself, day in and day out, that I used to LOVE Japan and in fact I once spent a year in Tokyo loving life in Japan and having very little difficulty with the language and culture. But my mind won’t listen and I’m strugglingto find the reason why I even liked Japan in the first place.

Yesterday was a public holiday and I spent my day off as usual, at home, playing games, eating and generally perusing the interwebs. I decided to watch some of the old variety shows that I once was addicted to and found that I wasn’t sure whether I liked them anymore and noticed things in them that hadn’t occurred to me before. The way someone subtly voiced their opinion or how formal one person was to another, their body language in regards to their sempai. I didn’t mean to pick up on these things but my newly acquired knowledge of the office politics in Japan and how Japanese people work together pointed out these small interactions amongst the pure entertainment those shows used to be to me.

I notice at work my Japanese seems to be devolving rather than improving and my confidence has completely dropped out of the game. My pride in my language abilities and all the compliments I used to receive about my ability have disappeared into my past and I’m now a blubbering foreigner who can’t remember the word for ‘apple’.

The major problem with all of this is that, even though I am obviously able to look at this objectively and see how ridiculous it’s all become, I haven’t been able to snap out of it. It reminds me of something the keynote speaker at the JET Programme Tokyo Orientation said about culture shock; “Some of us never come into the phase of acceptance”. The ‘phase of acceptance’ being the final stage of culture shock where you come to terms with the differences and accept them.

As I remind myself that there are many things I enjoy about Japan I can’t help but create a mental pro and con list of reasons to stay in Japan. My con list is starting to get very heavy and I feel my desperation to leave this country and go somewhere new getting stronger and stronger.

I don’t know if that feeling is simply coming from my dislike for my current job but I have a feeling there are certain things about this office that areinherent in any office and will follow me wherever I go. I never thought I’d be the kind of person who is unable to let go of the ‘western way’ and adapt. I’ve always been very accepting of other cultures and it fuels my love of travelling but perhaps it’s not entirely my fault. Maybe, it’s Japan’s inability to adapt themselves.

I started watching a movie last night called Ikiru (to live) made by Director Kurosawa in 1952. The first 5 minutes show exactly why the Japanese office confuses and frustrates me (namely bureaucracy) but then I realised this movie was made over 60 years ago! I knew Japan hadn’t changed for a while but 60 years is a long time to go without improving your system for the better. The only thing that wasdifferent was that my desk has a computer (without internet access) and that I use a fax machine (though snail mail is also frequently used).

I don’t know if one morning in the next year or so I will wake up and just snap out of this but I sure hope so. I hate to see my passion and dedication to Japan evaporate into nothing after 10 years of study. In the mean time I’m just focussing on things that do make me happy and trying to tie Japan into that.

But maybe it’s time to conclude that, for me at least, Japan is just meant to be a place to admire from afar.

Being a CIR on the JET Programme

When I signed up for my position as a Coordinator of International Relations on the JET Programme the last thing I expected was to be fixing someone’s toilet seat or inspecting a Shingles rash. But my position has brought me many of these little surprises in the past 9 months.

I had not expected to get into the JET programme at all. I had messed up my application about 3 or 4 times and had completely bombed the interview. I was off on a two month trip around Europe when I heard that I was accepted onto the shortlist and needed to complete a health check. With only one or two days in each city it was not an easy thing to arrange. But here I am, in a job I never signed up for, filling out people’s holiday requests while I watch my year spin on.

The Coordinator of International Relations position on the JET programme never claimed to be straight forward and it’s true that some of the items listed on their official website relate to my own job; translation and interpreting. However, when someone asks me what my position is I don’t even refer to the coordinating of culture but rather the mother of 12 (soon to be 24) ALTs (Assistant Language Teachers).

There is another position on the JET program called a PA (Prefectural Advisor) or in my case a CA (City Advisor). I first found out about this position through an email 2 weeks before my arrival in Japan in July 2013 when a current CIR in my city asked if I knew I would be a CA. I didn't.

I spent my last few weeks before moving my whole life over to a city I’d never been to googling what on earth a CA really was. The conclusion of my research; a counsellor. My research wasn’t entirely correct.

A CA is more of an administrative FAQ book which JET programme participants are encouraged to contact 24/7. My first few months on the job were stressed with everyone in my city (bar one) being a new JET participant including myself yet all the questions regarding the area (which I had never visited), being a teacher (which I had only a fleeting 1 hour of experience with), and how to use [insert household appliance here] being aimed at me.

I was asked to interpret with no prior notice and no knowledge of the subject on a regular basis. This, you have probably guessed, was a disaster due to the fact that I hadn’t actively used my Japanese for at least 18 months. I umm-ed and ahh-ed my way through the days of seminars and bureaucratic paper work until my head felt like it was about to burst.

Messages sent in the early hours of the morning or through my desperately leisurely weekends taunted me and hours of overtime accumulated without compensation. I tried to keep on top by keeping extensive memos in small notebooks that were always on my person but I am now on my 6th notebook and yet to comprehend anything I’ve written so far.

I was told, by the internet, that most of my jobs in the beginning would be easy, Japanese to English translations but I’ve had more English to Japanese translations than Japanese essays I’ve written in my past 10 years of Japanese study in just the first few months of work here. Sometimes I do native check for the translation group upstairs but most of the time I am filling out transportation reimbursement forms, holiday requests and going over lesson plans from the around 100 Elementary Schools and close to 50 Junior High Schools.

And all the rush and panic I felt 9months ago will be starting over again when 13 new ALTs arrive in the summer.

You’d think that after all this craziness I would’ve done the sensible thing and found an alternate employment but maybe the craziness drove me crazy because I’ve signed on for another year.

The office I work in is filled with people who feel the same as me, if not worse. Teachers who are supposed to be in classrooms but are instead charged with answering phone calls and filling out paperwork. Yet, despite their predicament, they are always working their hardest to smile and support each other.

Although I may not agree with all the office politics and processes that go on in a Japanese work place I do admire their ability to deal with unpleasant situations. Even if it’s just stapling a few programs together for a co-workers upcoming event or taking a unsatisfied parent’s phone call even though the person in charge of the case is away on sick leave and they have no idea what it’s about.

They sit through being yelled at, being despised by families, being criticised by the media, and even being accused of stealing money from the taxpayer. Despite all this negativity flowing around they still put on a smile every day, welcome each other back energetically after like it’s their own home, and crack jokes about sexual harassment (in a very non-offensive way).

It’s thanks to these people that even when I’m feeling stressed and tired I’m able to keep smiling even through the napping hours in the afternoon.

Unfortunately, their influence may not keep me here for much longer then what I’ve already signed up for but it has taught me priceless lessons about the power of positivity and also the benefits of calling for help on even the smallest of things.

Being a CIR has not given me what I hoped for but there is always a lesson to be learnt from whatever situation you find yourself in.

My Amazing Japanese

Hello there,

The common hurdle a lot of foreigners in Japan are faced with is ‘compliments’.

Now I know this sounds lovely and Japanese people being renowned as polite and kind would make this point obvious but anyone who has been to Japan to live or study for an extended period of time will understand the drop in my stomach anytime someone praises my use of chopsticks or ability to greet.

“Wow! You can use chopsticks?” Someone asks me, 8 months into my second period of living in Japan.

This is not the first, nor the second, third or fourth, time I have received this admiration from a Japanese co-worker. Each time I reply gently with a “Yes, actually we use chopsticks in New Zealand too.” This never fails to shock and mystify my sweet Japanese colleagues and they relish in their new found knowledge… until a few weeks later when they see me eating rice and are once again astonished at my nifty fingers.

Not your average fork and knife using hands

I am aware that not all foreigners are as lucky as me to have grown up in a country which is one of the most multicultural on the planet. As a New Zealander I was introduced to Asian culture early on and learnt to enjoy my sushi and chicken chow mein through the practical use of chopsticks. Maybe, someone from a less multicultural country or a New Zealander who might have preferred the use of a knife and fork, being complimented on their use of chopsticks every few weeks would be a welcome recognition of their growth. But as a practiced chopsticks semi-expert, it is a constant reminder of patience and the joker’s smile.

A common conversation in the office is as follows:

*writing up new schedule for meeting*

Co-worker: “Wow”

Me: “Wow?”

Co-worker: “You know Kanji (Chinese characters)?”

Me: “Yes, the computer comes up with them automatically anyway.”

Co-worker: “Wow”

Me: “I have had to learn a few over the 10 years I’ve been studying Japanese”

Co-worker: “Wow”

The co-worker remains in this stunned condition for about 5 seconds before reporting their findings to the rest of my co-workers for them all to join in the chorus of “Wow”.

While I appreciate the kind reminder that my Japanese degree has paid off, when this ritual admiration repeats, on average, every two weeks it does get a bit tiring. There are worse conversations of course; the ‘konnichiwa’ expert. Any foreigner trying to have a go at communication in Japan will face this at some point.

Me: “Konnichiwa” (hello)

Other person: “Wow. Your Japanese is amazing!”

Me: “I said nothing.”

And repeat.

Encouraging for the everyday tourist but excruciating for the live in foreigner just trying to buy some shampoo at their regular supermarket.

I know this all sounds a bit ridiculously picky to anyone who has never lived in Japan before but I wrote this for all my fellow non-Japanese workers and students in the country who will no doubt understand the wonderfully blurry line between compliments and patronising.

Whether or not the repeating of the same compliments is a part of Japanese culture or just my co-workers poor memory I don’t know.

Just thought you might want to know.